Ad Nauseum
by Helen Palsgraf
Summary: Maxie doesn't believe she deserves Spinelli, and he continues to feel inadequate because he isn't a man of action and a hero in Maxie's eyes. In the aftermath of their fight on the pier, can Maxie make amends and finally move their relationship forward?
1. Chapter 1

"Primal urges?" Maxie blinked at Spinelli, confused. "Don't you know what I feel for you is so much more?"

She didn't let Spinelli protest, but continued. She walked towards him and grabbed his hands. "Spinelli, I don't want just meaningless sex with you. You're right, I don't have some sort of primal urge driving my feelings for you. Everything I feel for you comes from my heart and soul, every fiber of my being. That doesn't mean I'm not attracted to you. I am very attracted to you. I want you physically, I want to make love with you, but that isn't the basis of our relationship. Everything that happened with Johnny was nothing more than my self-destructive tendencies trying to wreck what you and I have. But I don't want to wreck everything. I love you and I want to be with you."

That's what Maxie should have said to Spinelli. But all she could do at the time was stand dumbstruck on the pier while the man she loved left her.

She'd hoped he would forgive her as he had for her previous sins. She was always screwing up, was this really any different? But it was different; she was beginning to realize that. She'd really done it this time. She'd hurt him in the past, but never before had he treated her with such cold detachment in return. He'd stopped calling her Maximista. In fact, he'd stopped calling at all. He didn't return her phone calls or emails, and the other day when she showed up at the penthouse, she suspected he was home and Jason was lying to cover for him.

She had never felt so alone in her life. Sure, her roommate/coworker was being a total bitch so their apartment and the Crimson office was now hostile territory. With no refuge, she now found herself at Jake's drinking away her free time. The place was full of sleazy men, some not so bad looking. She could easily end up in the backseat of some slime ball's car, one of those guys with no wedding ring but an easily discernable tan line as proof he'd slipped it in his pocket. But she'd already self-destructed, so what was the point? Even Johnny had stopped being interesting. He wanted to seek comfort with her over his breakup with Lulu, but she was so depressed she couldn't even muster up enough energy to hook up with him. Also, part of her blamed him for the mess she'd made, and it was difficult even looking at him now.

"Another drink, little lady?" Coleman purred at her in his usual slimy drawl.

"Hit me," Maxie sighed, holding out her empty rocks glass as he poured.

"That's pretty strong for a work night, isn't it Maxie?" asked Matt Hunter into her right ear. He was still wearing his hospital scrubs, she noticed with disgust. What kind of loser can't manage to put on real clothes before going out in public?

"Well, now that you're here, I'm going to need a lot more of these to dull the pain," Maxie chugged the brown liquid, cringing as it burned her throat.

"Come on now, being with me isn't that painful, is it?" Matt asked sweetly.

"No more than a root canal," she motioned for Coleman so she could settle out her tab.

"You aren't leaving so soon, are you?" Matt said, throwing down a few bills to settle her tab, annoying her further.

She turned and stared him down. "I'm no longer having a good time."

"You were having a good time alone? I find that hard to believe. Say, where's your computer geek shadow puppet, anyway? Haven't seen him around in awhile."

She gave him a hard shove on the shoulder. "Don't call him that. He has a name, you know."

"Okay, okay. Just wondering where's he run off to. Did he finally realize you would never be anything more than friends?"

Maxie flushed red in fury. "That's none of your business."

"Ah, so you cut him loose, huh? Well, that just means we have more time for one another. I'm much more fun than the computer geek." Matt smiled his most winning smile.

"No way in hell. And you aren't half the man Spinelli is." It didn't take much to see the sudden flash of raw emotion on her face when she said his name.

Matt chuckled, knowing he was beat. "You have a thing for the computer geek, don't you?"

Maxie looked at him expressionless, trying not to give away her pain to Matt.

His expression softened. "Maxie, you seem like you need a friend. And if you want to talk about what happened with Spinelli, I'm a good listener. I might be an arrogant jerk, but I know when a girl's heart is already taken. Why don't I take you to Kelly's and we'll get some coffee and talk? As friends."

Maxie frowned, unsure what to think about the uncharacteristically human Matt Hunter. "All right, let's go get coffee."

* * *

"So now he won't even talk to me. And I can't blame him. I really screwed up this time, Matt. But that's what I do best," Maxie sighed, finishing her story.

"Why don't you just tell him what you told me?" Matt asked, taking another sip of coffee.

"I tried. He won't return my calls, he refuses to even see me. He hates me." Her lower lip trembled a little and she took a sip of coffee to calm herself down. Even though she was feeling slightly more friendly towards Matt, who it seemed was now her only friend, she still didn't want to make a fool of herself in front of him by crying her eyes out.

"Maybe you just need to get his attention," Matt offered.

"How?"

"A grand gesture of your affection?"

Maxie shook her head. "I think he'd probably just throw it in my face."

"Look, Maxie, you think you're the entire problem here, but you're not. The computer geek… er, Spinelli, has been pining away for you for a long time now, following you around like a lost puppy. But he'd never just man up and tell you he loved you, and stake his claim. He feels inadequate, like he isn't good enough for you. That's on him, Maxie, not you. Until he can fight his own feelings of inadequacy, until he can feel he's somehow worthy enough to have you, this isn't going to happen."

Maxie sighed. "I know. He wants to be like Jason, like some kind of man of action. I don't want him to be that, but it's like he doesn't feel he's worth anything if he can't throw a punch or whatever. Like he has to defend my honor, and be my hero. He has no idea he already is, no matter how many times I try to tell him."

Matt smiled at her, conspiratorially. "I have an idea."


	2. Chapter 2

"You have an idea? This sounds terrible already," Maxie crinkled her nose at Matt.

"Look, it's simple psychology. If there's one thing I've noticed about Spinelli it's his insecurity. So you tap into that and use it to your advantage. His insecurity often manifests itself as jealousy. You didn't notice the daggers he was shooting at me at Patrick and Robin's wedding when we were dancing? It's why he couldn't handle the idea of you having kissed Johnny Zacchara, for whatever reason. But balance that with the fear that the woman he's placed on such a high pedestal is being taken advantage of, and he'll rise to the occasion…or at least attempt to in his awkward geek way," Matt finished, unable to resist getting a small dig at Spinelli.

Maxie rolled her eyes. "So, what do you have in mind?" she asked, unsure if she even wanted to know.

"Well, Spinelli's already formed his judgment of me, that I am a conceited jerk who will try to seduce you. So, that's exactly what I'm going to do," Matt flashed her a devious smile.

"Oh, no, please tell me this isn't all just an excuse for you to put your slimy hands all over me in public again. Having to attend that PR event with you was plenty enough groping for a lifetime," Maxie groaned.

Matt laughed. "Do you want my help or not?"

"Yes," she crossed her arms, waiting.

"Now the key to this working is that you need to let him play the hero. It seems to me, Maxie, that your fierce independence and strong-willed stubbornness, while fine qualities, tend to emasculate Spinelli, when all he wants to do is feel like a man instead of a helpless geek."

"I do not emasculate Spinelli!" Maxie protested.

"No, but you do. And he sees himself through your eyes, as someone who needs protected, who is helpless and can't get by on his own. That whole thing with the FBI, all he wanted was for you to see him as strong. Like these other guys that are tougher than him."

"Matt, no offense, but you're a surgeon, not a shrink. You barely even know Spinelli!"

Matt shrugged. "I double-majored in psychology and sociology in undergrad. If I hadn't followed in the footsteps of Dear Old Dad and my charming Big Brother, I would probably have done psychiatry instead. Look, just based on what I've observed between you and Spinelli, the interactions I've had with him, and what you've told me about your relationship, that would be my assessment. He wants to feel desired by you, as a woman desires a man. He might be your best friend and the person who has changed your life, but what about those statements says anything about love, passion, and romance? Those are the things he wants from you, and in his fantasies, he's the hero and you're the femme fatale. Which is exactly what we're going to give him."

"Fine. Maybe you have a point. At this point I'm desperate enough to try anything. So how exactly does this play out?" Maxie crossed her arms, waiting for him to finish.

"Brilliantly. Much like everything else I do," Matt smiled.

"Oh, brother," she groaned.

* * *

Damian Spinelli sat alone at Kelly's, armed with his laptop, a bag of chips and an orange soda. Matt Hunter walked through the door without looking in his direction, and went up to the counter to pay for the to-go order he'd placed. Spinelli looked up in annoyance as the Conceited One's cell phone rang with a loud and obnoxious ring tone.

"Hey, Big Brother, what's up?" Matt answered, loudly. "Nah, I'm off tonight… sorry, Bro, can't cover, I've got a hot date tonight… with your wife's cousin of course… yeah, she finally agreed to go out with me… because I'm incredibly charming, that's why… ah, well, don't tell Maxie that, I wanna get lucky. I got a room at the Metrocourt and everything… anyway, later, Bro." Matt hung up the phone, grabbed his bag and turned to leave when Spinelli stopped him.

"Maximista has agreed to be escorted by the Conceited One? Surely I misheard," Spinelli scowled at him.

"She has, in fact. I ran into her at Jake's last night, all sad and weepy and half-drunk. Feeling very alone and vulnerable," Matt smirked.

"No doubt from that scoundrel Johnny Zacchara," Spinelli assumed, suddenly seething with anger that the Mob Prince had broken her heart already.

Matt just shrugged. "She didn't mention anything about Zacchara, she was just all weepy over you, Buddy. But don't worry, I made sure to convince her that she was better off with a real man, like me," Matt winked and gave him a firm punch in the arm as he walked out the door.

Spinelli stood there stunned, for once with nothing to say.

* * *

"Maxie, you look incredible," Matt said, flashing her a sly grin. They had just arrived at the Metrocourt's restaurant, and were happy to find it practically empty due to the late hour.

"Thanks. And you clean up well," she replied, as Matt pushed in her chair. "Are you sure he's going to show up here, and that this isn't just an elaborate scheme to force me to go on a date with you?"

"Well, I can't be absolutely sure he'll show, no. But worst case scenario, I get an evening alone with you, there's a hotel room on reserve, and I can make you forget all about the computer geek," he breathed against her ear. She wasn't sure if the hair standing up on her neck meant she was titillated or disgusted. Probably a little of both, she sighed. She really was messed up.

Matt took his seat and began his evening of debonair machismo. Halfway through the soup course, he noticed Spinelli, wearing an incredibly obvious disguise of a black trench coat and dark sunglasses, hiding behind a large potted plant in the corner. Jackal P.I. indeed, he snickered to himself.

He gave Maxie the signal by dropping his fork and using it as an excuse to caress her thigh as he reached down to pick it up. As planned, she slapped his hand away and scowled. He merely smiled steadily at her. He was certainly enjoying their game, regardless of the outcome. If Spinelli manned up and fought for Maxie, then he was happy for Beauty and her Dweeb. If Spinelli crawled off to drown his sorrows in a game of Dungeons & Dragons never to be heard from again, then all the better for him having a real chance to seduce Maxie. She'd be fun, he knew. High maintenance, full of drama and a million issues, but he bet she did tricks even he couldn't imagine.

The rest of the meal was spent with obvious sexual overtures that Maxie visibly rejected. From the corner of his eye, he knew Spinelli was becoming more and more agitated with the scenario unfolding before him. He had expected the computer geek to come railing at him any minute now, defending her honor. But he almost looked resigned to the situation. It was time to kick it up a notch.

Matt grabbed Maxie by the hand and made her slow dance with him in the nearly empty restaurant. Pulling her close, he began nuzzling her neck and caressing her skin. Maxie was a real pro, he noted. She never once looked in Spinelli's direction, and she made her rejection of him noticeable but not overly obvious. Finally, Matt went in for the kill. He pulled the hotel key card out of his pocket and whispered in her ear as he made it visible to both her, and Spinelli. Maxie looked disgusted and pulled away from him, turning just enough so that Spinelli could see the expression on her face. Just as Matt reached out and grabbed Maxie's arm, Spinelli jumped out from his hiding place and sucker-punched him right in the mouth.

Matt had not been anticipating Spinelli's fist actually making contact with his face, he grimaced, tasting his own blood. Oh, Maxie definitely owed him big for this one. He turned away so Maxie wouldn't blow the plan by suddenly being concerned for his busted lip.

"Maximista, are you okay?" Spinelli embraced Maxie, playing every bit the damsel in distress. She merely nodded, burying her tear-brimmed eyes into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Bitch," Matt spat blood into the restaurant napkin. He threw the hotel room key at her and stormed out.

"Spinelli, thank you," Maxie whispered breathlessly. "You just came out of nowhere and took that creep down a notch." She looked down and noticed his hand was starting to swell. "Oh, Spinelli, you hit him so hard, you hurt yourself!"

"It's nothing, really, doesn't hurt at all," Spinelli cleared his throat.

"Here, let me put some ice on that," Maxie grabbed a napkin and some ice out of the bucket on the table and put it on his hand.

"Oh, Spinelli, thank you for standing up for me against that creep Matt. He actually thought I'd go upstairs and…" she trailed off in disgust.

"The Jackal couldn't stand by and watch as the ill-intended Conceited One took advantage of his fair Maximista," he clenched his fist again at the reminder of why he'd hit Matt in the first place.

"You couldn't?" Maxie looked up at him hopefully.

"As much as it pains the Jackal that his fair Maximista does not return his desire, he will always seek to protect her," Spinelli sighed sadly, kissing the top of her forehead.

She looked up at him seductively. "You know, Spinelli, you're wrong to think you aren't the object of my desire." She looked at him longingly, letting him know she wanted him to kiss her. Unable to resist, he pressed his lips to hers.

After a moment he pulled away and started to speak, but she put her fingers to his lips.

"Spinelli, I don't want Johnny Zacchara, and I don't want Matt Hunter. I only want you. We have a lot of talking to do, about us, about our feelings, about our relationship, and definitely about how I am nothing but a wrecking ball in my own life. But right now I don't want to talk," Maxie pulled away and bent down to pick up the hotel key Matt had thrown at them.

"No?" Spinelli asked.

"According to Matt, there's a bottle of champagne waiting in room 623. How about we help ourselves and then I can show you exactly how turned on you punching Matt Hunter in the face makes me." She grinned, tugging playfully on the collar of his trench coat.

Spinelli grabbed her and kissed her hard, completely taking her breath away. When he broke the kiss, she looked up at him dreamily. They'd been back and forth so many times, teetering between best friends and lovers, hitting the exact same barriers _ad nauseum_. She hadn't been able to tell him how she felt that night on the pier, but she hoped that upstairs in the hotel suite, she could show him. And afterwards, she promised herself, the games would stop and they would finally move forward. Tonight was the springboard for that change.

He pulled the keycard out of her hand. "I'll lead the way."

* * *

"So, then Spinelli springs out like some sort of spider monkey from his hiding place in plain sight, and catches me right in the lip. Totally didn't see it coming," Matt Hunter laughed, as Nadine Crowell handed him an ice pack.

"That is incredibly romantic of you, Dr. Hunter," Nadine chuckled as she pulled off her latex gloves and tossed them in the trash. "And here I thought you were just some arrogant jerk who just chased skirts like a rooster in a henhouse."

Matt gasped in fake offense. "There is a lot you don't know about me, Nurse Crowell. I am a romantic at heart. Sure, I wanted to go out with Maxie Jones, but hey, she wants to be with Spinelli," he snickered.

"And you're okay with that?" Nadine asked. "You just do the gentlemanly thing and step aside?"

He grinned. "I'm sure I'll find other skirts to chase in the henhouse. But good for Maxie. Spinelli's an okay guy, and he finally manned up and went after what he wanted, and Maxie finally gave him what he wanted. It's disappointing for me, but I'll be all right," Matt shrugged, pulling his jacket back on and hopping off the exam table.

"Yeah, I'm afraid I know a little something about that. And as Aunt Raylene would say, you can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make them biscuits," Nadine smiled sadly. "Well, anyway, Matt, you're all set. You know the drill, keep icing it down, you won't look any worse for the wear."

"Thanks, Nadine. And I'd appreciate you keeping this on the 'DL.' Wouldn't really do for my manly prowess for everyone to know I got a busted lip from the Jackal, P.I., now would it?"

"Not a problem, your secret's safe with me," she laughed, pulling her blonde hair out of the ponytail and shaking a hand through it. He noticed how different she looked when she was coming down from the seriousness of her job, going from "Nurse Crowell" to "Nadine."

"Say, it's the end of your shift, isn't it? Let me buy you a drink. Unless of course you'll have some guy lurking in the bushes ready to punch me," he grinned.

Nadine smiled. "Hardly. All right, let's go to Jake's and grab a drink. Unless you're embarrassed to be seen in public with me still wearing my scrubs?"

Matt smiled to himself. "Not at all."


End file.
